he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize