sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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