All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
