he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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