life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
