GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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