Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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