I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
