we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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