I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
