I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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