he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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