My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
