i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
did i walk over a car last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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