watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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