Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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