Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
