from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
