I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
