I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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