He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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