Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
