If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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