OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
