i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
