Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
