Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
