I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
