Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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