I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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