we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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