i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
