Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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