I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
