Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
