Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
