Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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