member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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