Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
