Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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