Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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