She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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