so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i now understand why vodka
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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