I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize