and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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