remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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