just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
