I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
