Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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