Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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