She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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