Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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