So drunk its hurt
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
