She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
