My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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