So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
