then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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