I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My vagina just recognized that song.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
