it was like a zeppelin in a condom
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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