Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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