Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
