ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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