I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize