I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
