I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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