I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
