omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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