forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
