that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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