pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize