Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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