Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
