getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
