So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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