I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
