I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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