i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
