I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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