Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
