I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
