My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
