It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
