if i can run in heels then i can drive
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
