The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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