Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
