I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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