first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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