fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
