He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
