I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think my moral compass just broke
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize