I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
