So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
