I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
