You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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