I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
