I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
