If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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