I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
