by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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