I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have post one night stand depression
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