I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
