Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
