Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Terrible idea I love it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
