But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
